3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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