why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
