That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
