Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
A+ Viking dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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