Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
