worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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