You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
