I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
