Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
