i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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