I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
