There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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