Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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