She is in my trunk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
there is glitter all over my balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
