In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
