Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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