My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
