apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
