Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
