Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
