So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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