Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
