Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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