I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
