Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
