sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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