i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
