I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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