I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
