I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
