who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
