decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
