you guys were way drunker than both of me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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