I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
