alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
