did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
