i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
