where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
