someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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