Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
