and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
