I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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