return my video game
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
