Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
