I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
