69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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