This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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