Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
