like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
