when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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