you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
