o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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