Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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