when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
