Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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