I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize