grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
