Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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