So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
