He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
