Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
