i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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