There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Its about making memories worth repressing
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
