I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
