I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
