No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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