I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
