On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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