Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
