brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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