i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
