I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
