Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
