The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
