thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
